we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
