sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
