is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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