She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
