i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize