They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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