He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
