I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
