anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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