Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
