i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
