I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
