Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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