Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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