I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize