I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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