just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
