I cannot find my penis.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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