I'm going to jail i love you
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
then he tried to convert me to islam
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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