apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
