I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
