i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize