Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
