either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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