Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
