We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
