i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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