every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
