I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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