YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
