You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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