I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
