sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
