Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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