Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
