I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize