the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
