I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Randomize
