i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
