I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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