AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He has the fingertips of a God
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