he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize