would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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