I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize