Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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