I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
