my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
