Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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