Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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