Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
