My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
worst night to have a conscience
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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