At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
