Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
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