We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize