Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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