I will die if light touches me.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
