you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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