You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
