My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
