If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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