He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
