I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
