I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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