So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Randomize
