my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
