nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I hate all girls vehemently.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
