Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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