It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Girls should come with a carfax report
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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