ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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