I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
