My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
