I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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