if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize