I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
