I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
