3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
