My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
