i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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