so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
