I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
