I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
