My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Hippo gnu deer
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
