Don't make out with my wife yet
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
