I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
