Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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