i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Drake has all the answers
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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