Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i dont even know how to be here
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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