If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
