ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
