Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
