my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Couch. On fire.
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